Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
