Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize