I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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