I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
