I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
