Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
