I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
