Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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