Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
