she told me i tasted like america
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just pee around me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
