tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
