i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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