the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
