on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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