The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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