I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
