There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
