Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
