If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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