you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
