i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And then my night got REAL pukey
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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