Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
