what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
