hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
