Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
