i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
