The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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