i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
