I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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