I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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