Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
