The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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