he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
