the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
