I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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