I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
