Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
