I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
