Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize