I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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