Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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