Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
