You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
