Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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