Plan B is the new Plan A
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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