well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
