I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
