What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
