I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
