When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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