Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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