the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
