In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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