the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
