I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize