11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
