yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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