Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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