I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
