hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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