Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My vagina is officially offended.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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