I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He has the fingertips of a God
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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