My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
