i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
