i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
