Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
